Creative Strategies to Process Loss /
Memorializing Your Pet

remembrance area​

This is an area of your home devoted to the pet's memory. I have heard it called a shrine, but I don't love that word for it. I prefer to think of it as a museum-like space. In the beginning, I found that having my Tovi's things and photos scattered around the house triggered the hard feelings everywhere I looked. I needed to separate that into a safe place I chose to go to rather than surround myself in. Even though I am at a point where I display photos of him throughout the house, I've also kept the defined space because it's a place I can visit. As the shape of your grief changes, your display may shift with it.

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My space is a ladder shelf in the corner of my living room. It contains several framed photos of Tovi, his leash, winter scarf, and the "Best Dog" banana he wore at my wedding. His ashes remain in my bedroom, and my current dogs use beds and blankets. Initially, I kept Tovi's bed and blankets, but I wouldn't allow my subsequent dog to use them - it was a sacred space and was off-limits. Today, I have no issue with my current dog curling up and enjoying Tovi's bed. As time passed and I settled into my After,  the bed became less emotionally charged. I have retired his leash, though -I wanted those adventures to remain ours alone.

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Early on, however, you may not be in a place where you can safely look at your pet's things. For some, especially when the loss is fresh, it can feel too painful and triggering. The morning after my parent's dog died in a traumatic accident, they bagged up all of her things and drove them to a shelter to donate. Giving away a pet's things for another animal to use is a beautiful way to honor them. However, they did it because they wanted every reminder that she ever existed out of their home. Their new reality was too much to bear. Months later, they regretted not keeping some of her well-loved toys.

 

As time passes, your grief will change shape, and you may feel safer confronting it. It may also feel comforting to see, hold, and smell some of your pet's things. This is why I recommend bagging up all of your pet's belongings and giving the bag to a family member or friend, or storing it in an attack or garage. This way, it will be out of sight but still accessible when (and if) you are ready.  How you are able to cope at any given time is not a reflection of how loved the pet was.

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​memory box

​​​This is a box meant to house your pet’s special things, such as their favorite toy(s), leash, collar, tag, clothing, hair... fill in your blank.

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The box can be made using various options - a shoebox, an unfinished wood box from a craft store, a basic hard clear box from a big-box store, a chest you find at a vintage shop...you get the idea.  You may want to paint or collage your box with photos or words cut from magazines. Get creative... or don't. I suggest decorating the box because many people find it to be a healing expression. However, there is no need to if it’s not your thing. It is what’s inside the box that is most important. Remember to meet yourself where you are - you may not be in an emotional place to decorate. You can always update the box aesthetically at another time if you wish.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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I find that some items in Tovi’s box still carry his unique scent. Every once in a while, I take out his collar and inhale his scent. The same goes for his hair (which can be preserved in a small jar or Ziplock bag), and some of his well-loved dog toys.​

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scrapbook/photo album/video​​

These are great ways to capture your pet’s life visually. In the age of digital media, I don’t think we spend enough time truly looking at photos. Our pictures are easily lost among the hundreds of images we have on our phones. I recommend uploading those digital files to be printed so you can be intentional in your viewing.
 

A scrapbook can be purchased at a craft store, which has room for embellishments such as stickers and more space to write on than a simple photo album. A photo album can speak for itself and, depending on the style, can include room for text beside the photo. It is simply a matter of personal preference. There are also web-based services (such as Shutterfly) that allow you to create a book using uploaded photos and allow for text. 

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If you are tech-savvy, a video slideshow serves the same purpose. Jordon Frank, a musician, created a short video—"Chasing Butterflies"—when he knew his dog was dying. Following the death of her cat, a friend created a YouTube video displaying photos and videos to music. ​​​​​

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jewelry

After Tovi died, my veterinarian cut off some of his hair, and I had it made into a ring. Jewelry can also be made from the pet's ashes. Funeral homes sometimes offer this service, and I have found many options on Etsy (see Keepsake page for examples). 

kiddos​

Additional resources for children can be found in resources.

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Just about everything listed above can be used/adapted for kids. Kids are like foreign creatures to me, so I can't responsibly say too much about specific activities. However, the resources provided throughout this site can. 

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Many years ago, while in graduate school, I  babysat on the side and brought Tovi with me to all my jobs. He had the ideal temperament for it, and kids loved him. One of the kids could tell how much I adored Tovi and suggested I write a book about him. I’ll never forget her advice, “If you love him so much, why don’t you write a book about him!” Straight from the mouth of a child!

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Writing a story about the pet is a great emotional release for kids and creates a physical item a child can hold onto. Kids love to tell stories, so pull out the crayons, markers, paint, glitter, felt, photos, glue—whatever works for you—and let the creative process take over.​​​​​​ If you kept some of the pet’s hair consider gluing it onto the drawing. Keep in mind that different ages will be able to execute this based on their developmental ability. The book does not have to contain words; it can be pictures or simply drawings in a standalone form.

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To avoid reinventing the wheel, below are a few resources/activities/workbooks that can help guide the story.

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Remembering a Beloved Pet (Kidlutions, Solutions for Kids)

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I Miss My Pet: A Workbook for Children About Pet Loss (Katie Nurmi)

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Chance's Spot - Pet Loss Grief and Support

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From Lucy and Co offers a personalized pet loss book designed for children. You will be asked to answer questions about the pet which she will turn into a story.​​​​​​​​​

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